7 Ways You Know You Found the One to Marry

When I was single, I used to google all the time some version of “How to know if he’s the one?” I googled it when I was dating to see if the person I was with was the one I should marry or when I was not dating, I googled it to prepare for when I was in a relationship. 

I received a lot of different answers. Now that I have been happily married for 10 years, I wanted to do my own version of “How to know if he’s the one” or “How do you know you found the one?” 

The list includes seven definite ways you know you found your spouse. It does not include things that could match anyone like “you find them attractive” because you probably wouldn’t be dating someone unless you’re attracted to them and there are many people you are attracted to who are not the one you should marry.

 It also doesn’t include something general like “you have things in common.” You can find things in common with almost anyone such as “we both like cake!” or “we both like taking vacations.” You can say that about most people. It does not mean you should marry them.

Here’s the list of the 7 Ways You Know You Found the One to Marry:

1. Relationship is easy. 

When my husband and I were dating, we were both struck by how comfortable we were with each other. Although we just met, he was like an old friend. 

Our conversations flowed easily. We didn’t struggle to find things to talk about. We easily planned our dates and what we wanted to do together. My husband described our relationship as “natural.” I think that’s a great way to describe it. 

I have experienced the opposite. I’ve dated guys where the time spent together was awkward. We struggled to hold a conversation. I didn’t feel comfortable being myself. 

With my husband, I liked who I was with him and I liked him just the way he was. If you’re planning on marrying someone, you should be able to see yourself spending the rest of your life with that person if they stay exactly the same.

2. Regular Communication. 

During the year that my husband and I dated, we talked almost every day if not daily. I was sure that he liked me because we talked and saw each other regularly with no big gaps. 

I have dated guys where there was a big gap in communication. I have learned that it is the first sign that the guy is no longer interested in me. 

When the guy is really interested, he will communicate with me on a consistent basis. If he cannot communicate with me, he will let me know in advance. I used to come up with excuses for why a guy stopped calling me. He must be busy or sick or someone in his family is sick. No, he’s not that busy. He’s no longer interested in a relationship. He may call when he’s bored, lonely, or wants affection, but he’s not interested in a serious relationship. 

The way he communicates also matters. If he only texts or only sends a direct message (DM) on social media without progressing quickly to a phone call, he’s not interested in a serious relationship. 

Regular communication with my husband in person and on the phone moved us toward marriage. My text message relationships didn’t go anywhere. 

3. No Drama. 

This one may have been able to go with the Relationship is Easy point, but I thought it should stand on its own. Our dating relationship was drama free. There was no violence, no cursing at each other, no controlling behavior. It was a relationship made up of two people who respected each other. 

We did have disagreements. We just had to talk through the issues in a respectful way. 

If your relationship is already full of drama, that person is probably not the one you should marry. There’s not a lot of changes after marriage. My husband is the same person he was before I married him. 

4. Friends or Family Approval. 

The people who know you the most, know if the person you’re dating is the right one for you. I am really close to my family so they know me very well. 

When I brought my husband around when we were dating, there was universal approval from everyone in my family. My grandma was one of the first ones to meet him. I brought him by her house on a Sunday afternoon after church. That evening she called me and said, “You hit the jackpot!”  

It wasn’t the first time I brought a guy that I was dating to her house. However, it was the first time she ever made a comment like that about him. She was silent about the others. Well, at least to me. I heard rumors that she talked negatively about some of the others.

The Thanksgiving the year before I met my husband, I brought the guy I was dating. I learned later that no one thought he was a good match for me. I ignored everyone’s opinion. They didn’t know him or how good our relationship was I thought. 

It took me 7 months before I came to my senses and realized everyone was right. We broke up and I met my husband soon after that. 

If your family or friends do not approve of the person you’re dating, more times than not, they are probably right. They know you and do not have blinders on. Trust your family and friends. They know what’s good for you. 

5.  Shared Values. 

My husband and I are both Christians. It has made sharing a life together so much easier because we have the same values. 

If you value honesty and you keep catching your significant other lying, that is probably not a right match. If you’re a Bonnie and you’re dating a Clyde, then your values match. If you value hard work and your partner is lazy, then that might not be a good match for you. 

Make sure the values you live by are values your partner shares with you. It will make your union run much more smoothly.

6. Similar Future Goals. 

Sometimes when you are dating you can focus on the current good feelings and not think about the future. You have to remember that you want to find someone you can live with for the rest of your life. So, your future goals have to align. Does he want kids? Do you? If the answer is not the same, the person is probably not the right partner. 

How soon does he want to get marry? Does it match your answer? If it doesn’t match yours, you have to rethink if the person is the right partner for you. 

When my husband and I first started dating, he said he wanted to date someone for two years before he would get marry. I could live with that so I kept him around. We ended up getting married after a year because we didn’t know why we were waiting.

Also, our future standard of living goals aligned. We both wanted to earn a certain amount of money to have the standard of living we envisioned. I ended up breaking up with a few guys because we didn’t have the same future goals. 

One guy was encouraging me to make as much money as possible because he wanted to live off my salary. That didn’t work for me. I imagined both me and my partner working towards our financial goals together. Whatever your future goals are, make sure it aligns with your partner’s futures goals.

7. No Doubts. 

As I said in the beginning, I used to google some version of “How to know if he’s the one?” The funny thing is when I met and started dating my husband, I did not have to google that anymore. I already knew that I found the right one. Everything felt right and that he was exactly who I was meant to be with.

If you’re having doubts and you’re not sure if you are with the right one, try to examine what is bothering you. You might be making a mistake. Some of my worse decisions happened when I had that nagging feeling that I wasn’t do the right thing and I ignored it. 

I hope this was helpful to you. I’m interested in your feedback. Do you agree with this list? Did I miss anything? Should anything be taken off? Please add your comments below. 

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